F is for the F word...

Flowers. Duh. 

I know, you were thinking, knowing Robyn it's the obvious, and yes, I still drop F-bombs but I am working on not doing that as I need to watch my words :)

So, flowers. What is it about flowers that fits into this whole spiritual journey, you ask? Well, it's more than the cliché of stopping to smell them. Or the color of your glasses. Though both of those clichés have good, well-intended messages...it's really about treating yourself to something beautiful. Because you (and I) deserve it.

Let's look at this way...when someone gets you flowers, be it a significant other, a guest, a friend, a family member, how does it make you feel? Special, right? Because it means someone thought of you. And how do those flowers look? Beautiful, because all flowers are, right? Right. On both accounts. So while it's nice, make that awesome, to get flowers from someone else that say, "hey, you're special to me and I wanted to express that with these beautiful flowers" why on earth is it not as ok to do this for yourself? Poppycock. It's totally ok. And my life coach made me put 'buying fresh flowers' in my tool box. And you want to know something? I LOVE IT! It makes me smile, it makes me feel special, I love the colors it brings to my home, I love that I spend a good portion of my time at the farmers' market trying to decide which flowers to get and which to mix and match. And every once in a while I buy roses. Because a woman deserves them. I know I do. The people who have come into my home and have seen the flowers always ask who got them for me and I'm always so proud to say, "I did. I got them for me." And when I see them smile, I know they get it. (I will be honest here and say the first few times I felt a bit silly admitting I bought myself flowers 'just because' or felt like buying them was a wasted indulgence. I got over that. Fast. As in week 3. They mean too much.)

Actually, a friend once said to me his step-father is very into self help books and that he commented that the one piece of advice he sees over and over is buy yourself some flowers. It will change your day. I didn't even ask about this (hi synchronicity...again!), it just came up in conversation when he was trying to find a way out of a dark place. I mentioned I started buying fresh flowers and it's so crazy how such a small act changes my week. And yes, I bought him flowers the next day. Because doing something nice for someone for no reason is another tool I was given, and I like practicing that, too. So un-hater of me. 

So, go ahead, pick out some flowers. Find a nice vase and sunny area to put them. Celebrate them. If they don't change your mood, that's fine. At least for a brief moment in time you told yourself you deserve these. Because you do. If your inner voice is being an asshole saying "this is silly, they're just flowers," feel free to tell it to Fuck off. It is the battle of the F-words and in my personal struggle (war felt like such a harsh word), flowers are winning.

S is for Synchronicity, Maybe this post is happening for a reason?

No, I am not going to bust into the Police song, though I do love a good Sting tune here and there. No, today I am going to let you know that shit DOES happen for a reason. The universe (or G-d, or karma, or whatever energy source you believe in) has a way of lining things up for you. 

Here's a small, personal example:

One of my life coaching sessions we were talking about how much I LOVE living in SoCal but don't feel I am making the right kind of connections here (personally, not professionally). Pretty much it was the fact that I didn't really feel connected to some of the 'friends' I had made here but I have so few here that I felt I had to hang out with them. Yes, it sounds as sad as it, well, sounds. My Life Coach told me to dump said party and watch how the universe will fill that gap. I was a bit afraid. A friend is a friend is someone to have Sunday Funday with, one down and I'm suddenly solo-ing it. But, I took a leap of faith and did what she suggested. I mean, I was paying serious $$ for this advice, I am in Advertising, I wanted ROI. Out and about on Abbot Kinney, alone I might add, I came across a cute black handbag. I didn't need it, but I bought it (I am a woman after all). I guess you can say it spoke to me (go with me on this). I went home, put my purse belongings in it and headed to dinner with a friend from out of town. As I was sitting at the table, I noticed the woman next to me had the same bag IN BROWN. We laughed over it, exchanged numbers and went out one day. While we aren't the best of friends, it was a start. Because that little synchronicity moment happened, I decided that trusting the Universe has my back might not be a bad thing. Since then other little moments have really led to some wonderful relationships. No, not with a man...not yet anyway (but hey, if you know someone looking, I'm single :) ) And I don't miss the old one(s) at all. Truth isn't always nice. :(

Look, I know surrender is hard for us Type A-ers. We are control freaks after all. But if there is one less thing I have to worry about and one less thing I can trust to someone else, I am willing to pass it on. I cannot carry the weight of my world all the time. It's exhausting! I know you know what I mean. 

Well, needless to say when this little gem showed up in my LinkedIn feed of all places, I was like, "Hi synchronicity! Nice to see you again." (hey, I work from home, I talk to myself a lot, mmmkay?)

Sure, it's title is about success (and this is the S post...see what's happening here?) and it was posted by a recruiter, but really, it applies to success IN LIFE. How do I know this? Because this is the EXACT thing my Life Coach, my Acupuncturist and I work on ALL THE TIME. I practice everything on the left side. Those are my tools. Not sure I would have believed this, or even looked at it say 4 months ago. But knowing what I know now, I can speak to it's validity. Heck, I'm blogging about it! So, I just saved you a lot of money with this chart. Use it. Live by it and when things start to align, and your life feels in sync you can thank me by serenading me with a little Police, and NOT N'Sync. 

C is for Cupping

I am a visual person. No, really. As much as I love to write, I am an Art Director by trade and I use a lot of visuals. So, this blog post will be just that. Why? Because it's true what they say...a picture IS worth a thousand words.

But before I replace the verbal with the visual, I wanted to at least set the stage. 

Yesterday I had an acupuncture appointment. Sometimes I get ART (will touch on this in a later post), sometimes regular needles, sometimes Moxa and sometimes Cupping. I really can't describe it as well as these photos do, but you can learn more about it here and if you scroll to the bottom of that page, it will lead you to the history of Cupping. (Ok, I'll make it easy for you, just click here.)

This is how I spent my Monday morning. And this is way better than any cup of anything to heal what ails you.

D is for The Difference Between Anxious and Eager.

anx·ious

adjective : full of mental distress or uneasiness because of fear of danger or misfortune; greatly worried; solicitous: Synonyms  : concerned, disturbed, apprehensive, fearful, uneasy.

ea·ger

adjective : keen or ardent in desire or feeling; impatiently longing:

Synonyms : enthusiastic, desirous. fervent, zealous, fervid, intent, intense, earnest.

 

That's the definition of each word according to dictionary.com. However, we (or at least I) use these words interchangeably. And I shouldn't. Why? Because emotionally they mean 2 very different things. 

I have always considered myself to be a person full of energy...ok, and caffeine. That's the Type A-er in me. Anxious. Urgent. However, diving deeper into Acupuncture and convos with my Life Coach have really stopped me in my track on that word. (Actually, being anxious made me anxious because every acupuncture appt I go to they ask me to rate my level of anxiousness. JEEZ!) So, I decided to look it up. I mean, I thought I knew the definition but when I looked it up I was surprised how stressful and negative the word really was. Enter eager. It came up as a word to use for myself in my last life coaching session. So, I looked that up. Same meaning (sort of) as anxious, just a positive spin on it. And a healthier emotion to have.

How did this even come about? How can 2 words have a similar meaning yet mean something so different?

See, I'm unemployed right now. Or, as peeps in my biz say, "freelance." At first I was a bit worried. Ok, a lot worried. Like the definition of anxious states, fearful. I have a Venice life style to live, a 13 year-old dog to care for and bills to pay. I was applying to all sorts of jobs related to what I do, stalking like crazy on LinkedIn and calling in all sorts of favors. It was a very reactive few weeks. And it really, really, REALLY stressed me out. I felt I was moving backwards from all the work I have done spiritually (fear will do that). Pretty much I lost my shit. I was advised to use the energy I have to go from anxious to eager (let go of the fear and trust the universe has something better planned for me). So, I started hiking mid-day, starting cooking more, writing more, painting more and networking in a personal way (lunches, happy hours, at the gym, etc.) instead of online. And as I let go of the anxiousness and let go of the worry (because it does not serve me, or anyone for that matter) things started to fall into place. No, I'm not employed...yet, but the opportunities are starting to present themselves and I am trusting that it will work out. And now I kinda find myself excited and eager about what's to come. Not anxious. And if I do feel anxious, I read the definitions. And thank the anxiousness for reminding me that I should be eager. Good things are going to come (or as my grandmother would say, "this too shall pass"). Eagerness allows me to sleep at night, to not have pain in my back, to smile more and to not take every opportunity that comes my way but to focus on the RIGHT ones. That doesn't sound very Type A does it? It sounds more like this: Type B people usually do not get stressed easily even under acute circumstances. They are the happy-go-lucky individuals who do not entertain stress and anxiety while doing their tasks. However, they still prove to be fairly productive. They remain carefree and cheerful most of the times and are fun to hang around with. 

 

Could it be that while I am working down the alphabet of words I am also working down the alphabet of types? I don't know, but I'm eager to find out. 

V is for Validation (funny how it's also for Victory).

Let's face it and be honest, shall we? We all seek validation. I mean the "LIKE" button and Google's +1 were created based off our desire to be told we are funny, or pretty, or smart, or good enough. Yet, so many of us never seek this validation within ourselves. Why is that?

My life coach, Cheryl, has me practicing Prizing (Prizing is the act of telling yourself something you like about yourself from any age, for any reason. I tried to find a link for you to read up on it but I couldn't) while my acupuncturist/meditation instructor has me complimenting myself over 5 times a day. It sounds egotistical, but when you think about it, what's wrong with telling yourself, "good job" or "how nice of you to let that car in" or "you look good today" when you know it to be true? Why can't we compliment ourselves the way we would another? How have we become our own least fan?

In my past it wasn't that I was picked on or made fun of or put down, because I was; it was that I wasn't complimented (my parents complimented me plenty but that's their job) as often I was the former. I see that now as I go down my spiritual journey and realize that all those mean words and hard times stuck with me. And truth be told, somewhere way back I just started to believe them, and held on to them tightly when things were bad. I used those ugly thoughts to remind me, "see, you aren't good enough." And because I'm Type A, I used those thoughts to fuel me. To compete. I was motivated by hate and by the fact I felt I had something to prove. I guess you could say my daily diet was consisted of diet soda, chips and hate. 

The more I learn about people and their reactions to situations, the more I realize that maybe those people weren't mean because they are flat out mean. Maybe they had their own struggles to deal with and didn't know how. Maybe they were passing on to me what was passed on to them. I can't say for sure. I honestly don't know if I care anymore. What I do know is I can't change what has happened in the past and I forgive them. That doesn't mean I am saying what they did was acceptable, I'm just saying that I no longer am giving those words and actions power over me. (I am however sticking needles in places that seem to hold onto those toxins and man does it hurt to get rid of them. But it's a good hurt—which I never understood until acupuncture, because what exactly is a good hurt?)

So now I sit in front of the mirror in the morning (I have no choice really, my closet doors are mirrors--side note: what's with you LAers and mirrored closet doors anyway? WEIRD) and tell myself one good thing about myself. From the job I did yesterday, to the time I was a kid and wore those orange sneakers no matter how much I got picked on because I loved them; and I compliment myself when I can. Good job for not cursing that horrible driver out (that's a toughie, believe you me), good job on getting up at 5:45 when you aren't getting up for work to go to meditation, and so on. It's kinda nice actually. And to me this is more than validation, this is victory. 

W is for Watch Your Words

Yup, here it is. The post I have been promising to write. The first lesson/lecture/tip I got from my life coach. Watching my words. Both the kind I speak and the ones I use in my thoughts. 

To bring you up to speed, I started seeing a life coach because I felt kinda lost, AND it also kinda presented the opportunity to me. Didn't seek it out, rather, it found me. Which I am learning is how this crazy universe works.

So, Type A me walks in to this first meeting with my life coach with a list of goals I wanted to achieve and the timeline in which I wanted to achieve them. Well, that list no longer exists nor did Cheryl (my life coach) care to see it. Of course, I didn't know then that this whole journey is not about checking off a item on a list and moving on. It's about relearning how to work with what I have AND learning new tools to deal with what I encounter. And one of those new tools is, yup, you guessed it, watching my words.

When I spoke in that first session, a lot of hater-like words came out without me even thinking about it. It was natural. I said things like, "only losers are there" or "sucks the soul out of me." All stinkin thinkin type of words. Cheryl let me go on and on and when I was done she said the first thing she wants me to practice is watching my words. Hmmm, that wasn't on my list. Shit. I'm thrown for a loop. Not only that, but as a creative, my words are very important to what I do. Shit.

She continued to say that the words I use define the way I view a situation and present myself and that the negative ones serve me no purpose. I knew what she meant, and I didn't disagree, but I never realized that what I said or thought really affected me, a situation, others around me...but I was willing to give this challenge a try. I mean, what Type A-er doesn't love a good challenge?

SO...I started to think before I spoke. That took A LOT of practice. And when a negative comment (small or large, innocent or intended) flew out of my mouth, I stopped myself and said out loud, "wait, let me rephrase that." It wasn't easy but over the past few months I have gotten better at it. And it has changed the way I see the world, my day, the people I interact with, and so on. And I think it changes the way people view me AND who I relate to.  

When you change your words, both internally (ie: thoughts) and externally (your conversations) you change your day. There is a saying in the spiritual world (ok, there are a lot, but this one is apropos for this post): The quality of your thoughts (for this blog post purpose, WORDS) determine the quality of your day. And wanna know something? I agree. I've experienced both sides and can say this is so fucking true. Now I think before I speak and it almost comes naturally. Almost. And I make sure I watch what I say, think and feel. I don't hate or moll over my negative thoughts as much anymore; but rather thank them for coming and then think and speak more positively. 

But fret not, just because I am watching my words, doesn't mean I am not who I am when speaking the truth. (Or that I will speak kindly about The Patriots or Red Sox ;) ) I just do it more tactfully. And with better words. But the 4-letter kind are still a part of my vocab. I am me afterall. And sometimes when words escape me, a good "SHIT" really helps. 

M is for Moxa, Mugwort and Meditation. Yes, I said that seriously.

I know, I know. I still owe you (or maybe, myself) a post about my first lesson from my life coach. And I swear I will get to it, but damn, so much good material found it's way to me this weekend, I have no choice but to put it off again until tomorrow. But don't hold me to it. 

Ok, as you can tell by the title, I've clearly crossed the line into Salem Witch territory. Or perhaps a Harry Potter chapter. Here's how it went down...

Saturday. I get up at the ridiculous hour of 5:45am (yes it is silly because IT'S SATURDAY) to get to my morning meditation class (ya know, I have to find out if that's even the right word. Maybe it's session?) by 6:45. We have tea, we chat, we sit. I'm not going to bore you with this in every post but this sets the stage. So after we sit, I leave to get breakfast. I usually stay and eat breakfast with Dr. Kim (yes, my acupuncturist is also my meditation, ummm, leader? instructor?...) when I have an appointment with him, but I needed alone time. I have been dealing internally with my own vulnerability and whether or not to share those feelings with my parents. Why? Because I'm a friggin weeks away from 42 year old woman who feels she should be able to take care of herself and not have to have her mommy or daddy tell her it's going to be ok or that they'll make it better. But I needed to hear it. So I left and went for a bagel (note: bagels in the South Bay are HORRIBLE. Sorry, but they are. I've found a place on the Westside, go there) and called my mom and cried and cried and spilled my fears and exhausted myself. I felt better I told her, but I wasn't all "glad this passed." Because it hadn't.

Anyhoo...It's now 8:57 give or take a few seconds ;) and I have to head to my acupuncture appt. I walk in and I'm sure I looked as blotchy as I felt. So I get in and the first thing that happens is Dr. Kim asks me why I didn't stay for breakfast (BTW, this man is the sweetest person I have met. He opens his home, heart and refrigerator because he truly cares about people) and I said because I had to run an errand. Urg, I hate lying to him. I can tell he saw right through me so I said, "and call my mom." "Ahhhh..." that's all he says. He's crazy intuitive so I had a feeling he knew why. Good, I didn't want to cry again. Twice in one morning was too much. So I get my treatment. Needles in places that needles shouldn't be. Usually afterwards I get Cupping. But not this time. This time I got Moxa. With Mugwort. Yeah, go ahead, laugh, make a face, call it foolery. I did. But hell if I'll do that again (I'm trying hard not to curse here...an f-letter word would have been my first choice). I walked out of there feeling different. Lighter? Happier? Calmer? Yes, yes and yes. 

How it works: the instrument used in Moxa looks like a fat pencil. I assume It's stuffed with herbs and heated (no assumption on the heat, it was H-O-T) and the AA (acupuncturist assit.—not sure if there is a correct title) pretty much looks like he/she is coloring over the spot where you had a needle. And within the time it took him to finish, my mood had lifted. I was shocked how quickly I felt it. SHOCKED. It was like he colored the worry away. Ok, that was a bit hokey. Sorry. 

It didn't hit me when I was there but as I was driving home, it did. Mostly because I was now feeling awake—I mean who is up and functioning at 5:45 ON A SATURDAY? Dr. Kim's secret powers of intuition knew I needed something more than bruises that look like pepperoni on my back (Cupping, pics to come at another time). I needed a shift in my Chi (WHO AM I TALKING LIKE THIS???). And 2 days later, I still feel it. So thank you, Dr. Kim. 

And here is the crazier thing. Because yes, this isn't crazy sounding enough. In my last session with my life coach we talked about clarity. What I really want out of my career, my life, myself, my relationships. I didn't know. Still don't. Trying to figure it out. But what is interesting is while I was getting the treatment, one thing the AA said was that some people find the Mugwort herb to give them some clarity and control. That the native Americans used it to control their dreaming and see things clearer. It sounds like a stretch but trust me when I say there is this weird synchronicity happening between my life coach sessions and my treatments.

Look, for those of you that know me, you know I'm about as cynical and practical a person there is (hi, Type A). I still have a hard time believing I am believing in this (universe, chi, alternative medicine, et al). It's really nutty sounding, I know. I'm shaking my head as I write this but I can't make this stuff up. I just can't. 

So...if you ever want to feel like a character in a Harry Potter book when you tell someone what you did today, or a person caught in some kind of good spell, get off of this blog and try it. Maybe not all of the above because each person has their own path, but what's a little herb here or there?  LEGAL HERBS PEOPLE. Try it, like Mikey, you'll like it, And you can thank me later, with a cup of witches brew.