Friday, April 4, 2014

D is for The Difference Between Anxious and Eager.


adjective : full of mental distress or uneasiness because of fear of danger or misfortune; greatly worried; solicitous: : concerned, disturbed, apprehensive, fearful, uneasy.


adjectivekeen or ardent in desire or feeling; impatiently longing:
: enthusiastic, desirous. fervent, zealous, fervid, intent, intense, earnest.
That's the definition of each word according to However, we (or at least I) use these words interchangeably. And I shouldn't. Why? Because emotionally they mean 2 very different things. 

I have always considered myself to be a person full of energy...ok, and caffeine. That's the Type A-er in me. Anxious. Urgent. However, diving deeper into Acupuncture and convos with my Life Coach have really stopped me in my track on that word. (Actually, being anxious made me anxious because every acupuncture appt I go to they ask me to rate my level of anxiousness. JEEZ!) So, I decided to look it up. I mean, I thought I knew the definition but when I looked it up I was surprised how stressful and negative the word really was. Enter eager. It came up as a word to use for myself in my last life coaching session. So, I looked that up. Same meaning (sort of) as anxious, just a positive spin on it. And a healthier emotion to have.

How did this even come about? How can 2 words have a similar meaning yet mean something so different?

See, I'm unemployed right now. Or, as peeps in my biz say, "freelance." At first I was a bit worried. Ok, a lot worried. Like the definition of anxious states, fearful. I have a Venice life style to live, a 13 year-old dog to care for and bills to pay. I was applying to all sorts of jobs related to what I do, stalking like crazy on LinkedIn and calling in all sorts of favors. It was a very reactive few weeks. And it really, really, REALLY stressed me out. I felt I was moving backwards from all the work I have done spiritually (fear will do that). Pretty much I lost my shit. I was advised to use the energy I have to go from anxious to eager (let go of the fear and trust the universe has something better planned for me). So, I started hiking mid-day, starting cooking more, writing more, painting more and networking in a personal way (lunches, happy hours, at the gym, etc.) instead of online. And as I let go of the anxiousness and let go of the worry (because it does not serve me, or anyone for that matter) things started to fall into place. No, I'm not employed...yet, but the opportunities are starting to present themselves and I am trusting that it will work out. And now I kinda find myself excited and eager about what's to come. Not anxious. And if I do feel anxious, I read the definitions. And thank the anxiousness for reminding me that I should be eager. Good things are going to come (or as my grandmother would say, "this too shall pass"). Eagerness allows me to sleep at night, to not have pain in my back, to smile more and to not take every opportunity that comes my way but to focus on the RIGHT ones. That doesn't sound very Type A does it? It sounds more like this: Type B people usually do not get stressed easily even under acute circumstances. They are the happy-go-lucky individuals who do not entertain stress and anxiety while doing their tasks. However, they still prove to be fairly productive. They remain carefree and cheerful most of the times and are fun to hang around with. 
Could it be that while I am working down the alphabet of words I am also working down the alphabet of types? I don't know, but I'm eager to find out. 

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