E is for Emptying the Basket (or as I call it: Conversational Vomit)

Last week was interesting for me, and a lot has happened. However, when I got to my life coach appointment, I found myself spending a good portion of the start of our session talking about bullshit. Inconsequential tidbits that have no bearing on our session (or so I thought...wait for it). Ever do that? Get on the phone with someone or meet up with someone and just start rambling? Like you've been holding in this conversation sooooo long that you were about to burst if you didn't let it out?

Yup. Don't lie.

Well, guess what...there is a term for that. It's called "emptying the basket." And the funny thing is, we all do it yet it bothers us all (usually the world is a mirror...). Especially us Type A-ers whose patience wears thin when we can't check off what WE want to cover on the call (or in the conversation) because someone else is conversationally vomiting.

It really is a practice of patience to let someone else empty their basket. Another thing I have problems with. But, like everything else I am doing, or shall I say, relearning, I am working on it.

Here's a good example (I've tossed and turned on whether or not to use the person involved's real name but decided I love them too much to do it, so...). I speak to an old friend weekly. Sometimes bi-weekly. Every time I get on the phone with them I have to sit through some pretty mundane talk. Gossip mostly, or idle tidbits. I can not even connect with that kind of talk, especially because it's about people I don't even know. They go on and on. I zone out (how rude, I know). Then it's the grocery list or the daily errands. The whole beginning of our conversation I want to scream, or worse, hang up. I've talked about this with my Life Coach and she just laughed and said something to the effect of, "like you just did?" Touché Life Coach, touché. So, we worked on how to approach those weekly conversations. It's simple. WITH LOVE. I need to understand that we all do this. We all want to be heard. Want to be understood. When you approach this kind of situation with love and shift the way you converse, or rather listen, the other person shifts as well, and the conversation can be a beautiful thing. It makes me think of my recent post about being more like Maddie. I use less words. I keep it simple. I'm loyal and I listen. I still roll my eyes here and there but now I catch myself doing it (thank G-D this person does not use FaceTime of Skype). I let the others empty their basket and love them for it anyway. I don't cut them off anymore or say, "my turn" or think "what about me." I make it all about them, which shifts something in me.

So, next time someone vomits all over your phone call or happy hour meet-up, shift your perspective (and if they're really throwing up, shift your position) and let them empty the basket. Love them for it. You'll end up loving yourself for it, too.

G is for Gratitude for Miss Maddie. (aka—what I learned from my dog and how grateful I am for the lesson)

If you're my friend on Facebook, follow me on Twitter or Instagram, you well know that Maddie is my dog. If you don't, well now you know, too.

Maddie and I came to be in October of 2001, when she was barely 8 months old. A friend knew I had passed on a dog that was the mix and look I liked, and when she saw a flyer for Maddie, she let me know about her. I have to admit, when I met Maddie I was a bit terrified. She was crazy, A.D.D like, strong and sitting on a coffee table in someone's house. She had never been on a leash, never really walked, never in a car. The fact that she was part Pittbull didn't bother me at all; but that's because I was told she was a Lab/Boxer mix.

I thought a few days about it and decided I can't pass on another dog. And I can't bear to leave her in a home that didn't have time for her. (Looking back I now know the universe aligned for us to be together.)

Oh, and did I mention her name at the time was Suzie-Q, as in the dessert? Sigh...

So, I "adopted" Maddie. It was definitely a learning experience at first. And there were a lot of curve balls; but after a some training, some good walks and short runs, and some great friends to help and advise, we got in sync (not the band—please, I'm too old for that. But wanna talk NKOTB, I'm your girl). After a year together I moved from our home in CO to NYC. People kept asking what I was going to do with my dog. I found that to be such a bizarre question. My answer was always, "What do you do with your children when you move?" So yeah, I knew I had become 'one of those.'

And from that point on I recognized daily the impact Maddie has made on my life.

Recently we have been dealing with Maddie's Cancer. And by we, I mean Maddie and I (see above crazy dog person admission). I've decided to not treat her as she is 13 1/2 and the Chemo is aggressive and the surgery arduous. She was given MAYBE 4 months to live. That was OVER a year ago. I felt like she was invincible. Then this past weekend a tumor in her chest started to bleed. I couldn't tell if it was opening, busting through or what. I tried my best to not think negative thoughts but I lost my shit Sunday morning. I couldn't believe that I was so naive to think Maddie would live forever like this. Or at least another 2 years. And that's when I decided to write this post. It's my letter of gratitude to Maddie. I have learned so much from her that it seems shameful to not share this while she is alive (yes, I know she can't read but when I tell her I did this, she'll be touched).

So, with that being said, here is a list of things I've learned from Miss Maddie (in no particular order):

BE LIKE MADDIE (this is something my life coach and I have determined is a good intention for me to live up to)

• Keep it simple. Too many words muddle the message (note, this does not apply to this blog).
• Eat, sleep, play and love are all you need to live a happy life.
• It's ok to ask for something (in dog speak we call this "beg").
• Begin each day anew (it's crazy that Maddie wakes up as if each day is her first. Excited, eager and ready to please. Her favorite saying is, "Cancer? What Cancer?")
• Speak up. Let someone know when something is bothering you.
• There IS such a thing as unconditional love between 2 non-related beings.
• It's ok to walk up to strangers and say hello. It's also ok to trust your instincts when it is not.
• A long walk everyday is the key.
• A good stretch is a great way to start your day.
• Live life in the present
• Always say sorry. Always forgive.
• Forget about the bad days.
• We all make mistakes. It's ok.
• Be proud of your grey hairs.
• Get outside more.
• Eat with reckless abandon

I used to wish that dogs lived forever. Recently I have come to realize that if they did, we wouldn't appreciate them as much. We have a few short years with them so we soak it all in, love deeply, commit wholeheartedly and accept our differences. Imagine if we applied that thinking to all humans?

Maddie will pass one day. I'll lose it. I'll likely stay in bed for a week. But when that happens I will still be thankful for each and every day we've had together. The good, the bad, the ugly. And for that I will be eternally grateful.

I love my dog. More than I should. And I'm very ok with being one of those. Because she is one of a kind.

Q is for The Queen of Complaints has Abdicated

Ever use the saying "no complaints?" Sure you have. We all have. Ever really mean it? As in REALLY mean it? I can't be too sure I have. I mean who can't find something, anything to complain about?! Heck, that's what blogs started as. Open and social venting. Twitter limits you to 140 characters and Facebook lets you hide those "my life sucks" posts from your friends but how do you stop complaining?

The other day I was reading a friends post on FB. It was long and vengeful and quite uncomfortable to read. But like an accident on the shoulder of the 10 going west, I couldn't look away. And the whole time I kept thinking, "she really needs to talk to someone." Then I thought, how many times have my friends thought that about me? I have spent the better part of my 30s not in a good spiritual place. That's not to say I was mean or deceitful or unhappy. It's just I wasn't fully comfortable and happy with who I was. I complained about my posture, my boyfriend at the time, my weight, my salary (or lack there of), my friends, my enemies, and so on. Pretty much I was consumed with things that weren't quite right. And I got validation when friends agreed with me (as friends do, because we support each other). It was like hating loves company. And it felt AWESOME. How many times have you sat with a friend, complained about another and both feed off of that conversation? Don't answer (you don't have to, I'm not trying to make you feel guilty). Just read on.

Recently I started "prizing" myself. I've also started Metta Meditation. I've mentioned prizing before but I wanted to bring it up again as I think I am finally seeing and feeling the results. Prizing is when you compliment yourself 5 times (or 2 or 20, your call) a day for little things you like about yourself. Could be an outfit you put together or the way you let that a$$hole cut in front of you (see, I'm still me :) ) or how you got up early to spend more time outside. Whatever it is, recognize it, compliment yourself on it and love it. It really does help. And as hokey as it sounds, it helps a lot when you look in a mirror and do it. Sure, you'll look crazy to someone else, but who cares? If that hasn't stopped me now, it sure as hell shouldn't stop you.

But you are not alone in this world. While loving yourself is the most important, wanting the same for others is equally so. That's where Metta comes in. At night, before I go to bed, I pick 3 random (strange even, but not complete strangers) people, myself and one loved one to focus on. I wish them health, an easy journey through life, happiness and safety. It's small but it also works. I didn't believe it at first but after about 2 months of doing this I really do feel a little bit more compassionate towards others. I'm not enlightened by any means but it definitely changes my POV. (Look, I'm still gonna judge, I just hope to do it with a lighter stick. But, if I see you wearing a dress that's really a shirt, I'm gonna make fun of you...then I'll prolly be slightly jealous you're comfortable going out looking like that.)

And here's something else that will happen—and I speak from experience. You're going to feel awfully uncomfortable when others around you start venting or complaining about their life, random things, or other people. You're going to notice who needs to spend a little more time loving things rather than hating. You're also going to recognize in yourself when you fall in that trap. It's crazy but it happens. And every time it does, I prize myself as such because just 6 months ago, before I started this whole wonderful and strange journey, I was the biggest hater of them all and now I see how I am slowly but surely leaving that part of my life behind me.

I wore the Hater Crown for so long there's a ring mark around my head. However, it's time I've stepped down and leave the hating for someone else. And hopefully they will read this and pass over the throne. And maybe, just maybe, the Kingdom of Haters will not have their Queen and we all will live happily ever after—you know, like they all do in "Shrek."