Or am I?
As I mentioned in a previous post, I am a freelancer. I didn't choose this position, it was kind of handed to me. And while I don't mind being here, accepting the change is hard. It has made me question myself, my choices, the bigger plan, all of it. So, of course, like everything else in my life these days, I have turned to my spiritual advisors (wait, did I just say that???). And yet again, as always, they both said the say thing.
Enjoy this transition time. Trust it is only temporary and the universe will hand you the next step. Trust. Buddhists say that all things are temporary and to observe them, be mindful of them and let them pass. Observe, do not react. (I'll touch on my experiences with Mindfulness another time.)
Fuck, really? It sounded so good, so believable when I was told it. I recite it every day as one of my daily mantras: "Trust the universe, worry does not serve me." But lately, as I am between gigs (freelance is good and bad, fast and slow), actually, when I'm always between gigs, I kind of freak out. I let my inner judgmental self (I call her Robina) run rampid. And she when she does that, Robina gets bitchy.
But as I was sitting there, fighting with myself inside my head, something happened (no, I didn't get a job or a gig, not yet anyway), I was invited by a new friend to take a day trip to Antelope Valley to view the Poppy Fields before the peak season is over. Stressed out about not working, I was afraid to miss a day away from my computer but I trusted the universe and left for the day. I started off not liking myself for being so "careless." But once the drive started, Robina got quiet. (I think she was exhausted for talking non-stop and car rides always put her to sleep.) And in one word, the trip was AMAZING! First, I got to know a new friend better, second, I met some really nice women who have similar interests as myself and most importantly, I got outside and enjoyed the very reason why I moved to CA.
If this doesn't help clear the mind, then I don't know what does. With the stress out of my system, I headed to my screenwriting class. And wanna know something, the instructor came up to me after and said I should REALLY consider doing this as my day job. My idea is amazing. He didn't have to say that, but it meant a lot that he did. So, maybe, just maybe, this transition time is for me to finish what I started, my pilot, and not keep it so temporary, like my situation. I like that, I'm going to trust it, too.