Recently I have been trying to figure things out. Well, more like trying to figure out what the universe is trying to tell me. Go full-time, stay freelance, leave SoCal, date more, date less, write, don't write, etc.
But mostly I've been trying not to fret that I don't have all the answers. It's a daily practice to trust and surrender as a Type A-er and to not know the next steps. Sometimes it sends me into a downward spiral, truth be told. And yet, as always, there is something to spring me back.
Enter Natalie. Natalie is a woman I meditate with. She came to our group after a serious bout with a heart condition. She's young. As in half my age. She and her dad come every week and they meditate with us, they smile and she even now works at my Acupuncturist's office, knowing there are other methods that help heal. She is a good person. I'm always very impressed by her maturity and coping mechanisms. I'm pretty sure my 22-year old self would be asking "why me?" and constantly saying "it's not fair!" But not Natalie. SOOOOO impressive.
Last week Natalie told us that the doctor's found something in her heart, again. GULP! They weren't sure what it was but they need to get at it. They've been very honest with her about not knowing what it was and that they aren't sure what the next step is. 22 and she is dealing with something no one at any age should have to deal with. And sure, she's scared, but she's positive. And she keeps on keeping on. Wow.
And here I am, back row of meditation thinking, I'm freaking scared, or maybe a better word is concerned. Worrying about my checking account, my savings account, my retirement funds, when the next gig will come, when will I work again, when will I meet someone and BAM Natalie is dealing with real life issues that need real life love. It's perspective alright. Makes me realize that a) it can be worse b) I don't own all the world's problems and c) it's all relative but I am pretty lucky that all I have to worry about is if the freelance gig I am at will last as long as they say it will. It really put things into place for me.
Perspective is funny like that. You only get it when you need it most. It's like a shot of Espresso or if you're like me and don't drink coffee, a diet soda. Wakes you up from the sleepy haze you've been wandering in not seeing the forest for the trees. My lesson here? drink it all in. Things come to you for a reason. While Natalie suffers, she's come to me to make me realize there's more to life. I just hope something good comes her way as well. Outside of all my good thoughts and compassion.
Note: If you happen to meditate or say prayers or think about people who need good thoughts, please add Natalie to your list. Thank you!