R is for Red Lights.

Get your mind out of the gutter. Red lights, not Red Light District.

Good. Now that we got that cleared up...

Ever drive somewhere and you hit practically every single red light there is? It makes you late, you didn't plan for it, you get frustrated and so on. I know you know what I am talking about. As a recovering hater, I remember how this made me feel. I would get so amped up, so pissed off, as if every Urban Planner was laughing at me. It made my mood so negative and me so stressed that by the time I got somewhere I couldn't enjoy anything.

Well, what if I told you this happens when you're going through life? Cause sometimes that's how I feel. That I hit a ton of red lights in my life. Don't feel bad for me, I'm not looking for pity, I'm just trying to point out that sometimes life doesn't go as planned, as a Type A-er, this can be a bitter pill to swallow.

However, in this journey, I'm learning to live with (love is too strong of word for me right now with these damn red lights) the red lights. The acceleration and the sudden stops. The go, go go, stop, stop, stop of everything. A lot of it has to do with meditation. That bitch in my head, Robina (remember her?) has quieted down a lot, or at least for a little bit when I meditate. So I've taken away some of her power (I'm by no means enlightened so that inner narrative keeps running). I've also learned that there is something to be said about a pause. A pause allows you to stop and think and maybe even change direction. Not at all Type A, is it? No and it's quite wonderful. It says (well, to me anyway), trust us, don't go there. So I think, ok, I won't. I'll let it go because while I can control the car I am in (be it actual or metaphysical) I can't control all of the roads I take. (FYI, Dan Harris talks a lot about this in his book; you can control the situation to a point, but not the results. A great read, I highly recommend it!)

My grandmother used to say, "G-d does for you what you can't do for yourself." It's lofty and slightly religious (which is hilarious if you knew my Nanny) but it's also true. The universe is watching out for us somehow. Or at least telling you to stop or go when the time is right.

And as I was writing this, this happened, so there ya go: http://www.twittascope.com/?sign=1

A too, Brute?: T is for Transition. And trust. And temporary.

A too, Brute?: T is for Transition. And trust. And temporary.: I've been struggling with how to approach this subject. Transition. It means change but it also means undergo a process. As a Type A-er,...

T is for Transition. And trust. And temporary.

I've been struggling with how to approach this subject. Transition. It means change but it also means undergo a process. As a Type A-er, change is hard. It's a kink to the system. A change in the plans. I'm not wired for something I didn't set-up myself.

Or am I?

As I mentioned in a previous post, I am a freelancer. I didn't choose this position, it was kind of handed to me. And while I don't mind being here, accepting the change is hard. It has made me question myself, my choices, the bigger plan, all of it. So, of course, like everything else in my life these days, I have turned to my spiritual advisors (wait, did I just say that???). And yet again, as always, they both said the say thing.

Enjoy this transition time. Trust it is only temporary and the universe will hand you the next step. Trust. Buddhists say that all things are temporary and to observe them, be mindful of them and let them pass. Observe, do not react. (I'll touch on my experiences with Mindfulness another time.)

Fuck, really? It sounded so good, so believable when I was told it. I recite it every day as one of my daily mantras: "Trust the universe, worry does not serve me." But lately, as I am between gigs (freelance is good and bad, fast and slow), actually, when I'm always between gigs, I kind of freak out. I let my inner judgmental self (I call her Robina) run rampid. And she when she does that, Robina gets bitchy. 

But as I was sitting there, fighting with myself inside my head, something happened (no, I didn't get a job or a gig, not yet anyway), I was invited by a new friend to take a day trip to Antelope Valley to view the Poppy Fields before the peak season is over. Stressed out about not working, I was afraid to miss a day away from my computer but I trusted the universe and left for the day. I started off not liking myself for being so "careless." But once the drive started, Robina got quiet. (I think she was exhausted for talking non-stop and car rides always put her to sleep.) And in one word, the trip was AMAZING! First, I got to know a new friend better, second, I met some really nice women who have similar interests as myself and most importantly, I got outside and enjoyed the very reason why I moved to CA.

If this doesn't help clear the mind, then I don't know what does. With the stress out of my system, I headed to my screenwriting class. And wanna know something, the instructor came up to me after and said I should REALLY consider doing this as my day job. My idea is amazing. He didn't have to say that, but it meant a lot that he did. So, maybe, just maybe, this transition time is for me to finish what I started, my pilot, and not keep it so temporary, like my situation. I like that, I'm going to trust it, too.

F is for the F word...

Flowers. Duh. 

I know, you were thinking, knowing Robyn it's the obvious, and yes, I still drop F-bombs but I am working on not doing that as I need to watch my words :)

So, flowers. What is it about flowers that fits into this whole spiritual journey, you ask? Well, it's more than the cliché of stopping to smell them. Or the color of your glasses. Though both of those clichés have good, well-intended messages...it's really about treating yourself to something beautiful. Because you (and I) deserve it.

Let's look at this way...when someone gets you flowers, be it a significant other, a guest, a friend, a family member, how does it make you feel? Special, right? Because it means someone thought of you. And how do those flowers look? Beautiful, because all flowers are, right? Right. On both accounts. So while it's nice, make that awesome, to get flowers from someone else that say, "hey, you're special to me and I wanted to express that with these beautiful flowers" why on earth is it not as ok to do this for yourself? Poppycock. It's totally ok. And my life coach made me put 'buying fresh flowers' in my tool box. And you want to know something? I LOVE IT! It makes me smile, it makes me feel special, I love the colors it brings to my home, I love that I spend a good portion of my time at the farmers' market trying to decide which flowers to get and which to mix and match. And every once in a while I buy roses. Because a woman deserves them. I know I do. The people who have come into my home and have seen the flowers always ask who got them for me and I'm always so proud to say, "I did. I got them for me." And when I see them smile, I know they get it. (I will be honest here and say the first few times I felt a bit silly admitting I bought myself flowers 'just because' or felt like buying them was a wasted indulgence. I got over that. Fast. As in week 3. They mean too much.)

Actually, a friend once said to me his step-father is very into self help books and that he commented that the one piece of advice he sees over and over is buy yourself some flowers. It will change your day. I didn't even ask about this (hi synchronicity...again!), it just came up in conversation when he was trying to find a way out of a dark place. I mentioned I started buying fresh flowers and it's so crazy how such a small act changes my week. And yes, I bought him flowers the next day. Because doing something nice for someone for no reason is another tool I was given, and I like practicing that, too. So un-hater of me. 

So, go ahead, pick out some flowers. Find a nice vase and sunny area to put them. Celebrate them. If they don't change your mood, that's fine. At least for a brief moment in time you told yourself you deserve these. Because you do. If your inner voice is being an asshole saying "this is silly, they're just flowers," feel free to tell it to Fuck off. It is the battle of the F-words and in my personal struggle (war felt like such a harsh word), flowers are winning.

S is for Synchronicity, Maybe this post is happening for a reason?

No, I am not going to bust into the Police song, though I do love a good Sting tune here and there. No, today I am going to let you know that shit DOES happen for a reason. The universe (or G-d, or karma, or whatever energy source you believe in) has a way of lining things up for you. 

Here's a small, personal example:

One of my life coaching sessions we were talking about how much I LOVE living in SoCal but don't feel I am making the right kind of connections here (personally, not professionally). Pretty much it was the fact that I didn't really feel connected to some of the 'friends' I had made here but I have so few here that I felt I had to hang out with them. Yes, it sounds as sad as it, well, sounds. My Life Coach told me to dump said party and watch how the universe will fill that gap. I was a bit afraid. A friend is a friend is someone to have Sunday Funday with, one down and I'm suddenly solo-ing it. But, I took a leap of faith and did what she suggested. I mean, I was paying serious $$ for this advice, I am in Advertising, I wanted ROI. Out and about on Abbot Kinney, alone I might add, I came across a cute black handbag. I didn't need it, but I bought it (I am a woman after all). I guess you can say it spoke to me (go with me on this). I went home, put my purse belongings in it and headed to dinner with a friend from out of town. As I was sitting at the table, I noticed the woman next to me had the same bag IN BROWN. We laughed over it, exchanged numbers and went out one day. While we aren't the best of friends, it was a start. Because that little synchronicity moment happened, I decided that trusting the Universe has my back might not be a bad thing. Since then other little moments have really led to some wonderful relationships. No, not with a man...not yet anyway (but hey, if you know someone looking, I'm single :) ) And I don't miss the old one(s) at all. Truth isn't always nice. :(

Look, I know surrender is hard for us Type A-ers. We are control freaks after all. But if there is one less thing I have to worry about and one less thing I can trust to someone else, I am willing to pass it on. I cannot carry the weight of my world all the time. It's exhausting! I know you know what I mean. 

Well, needless to say when this little gem showed up in my LinkedIn feed of all places, I was like, "Hi synchronicity! Nice to see you again." (hey, I work from home, I talk to myself a lot, mmmkay?)

Sure, it's title is about success (and this is the S post...see what's happening here?) and it was posted by a recruiter, but really, it applies to success IN LIFE. How do I know this? Because this is the EXACT thing my Life Coach, my Acupuncturist and I work on ALL THE TIME. I practice everything on the left side. Those are my tools. Not sure I would have believed this, or even looked at it say 4 months ago. But knowing what I know now, I can speak to it's validity. Heck, I'm blogging about it! So, I just saved you a lot of money with this chart. Use it. Live by it and when things start to align, and your life feels in sync you can thank me by serenading me with a little Police, and NOT N'Sync. 

C is for Cupping

I am a visual person. No, really. As much as I love to write, I am an Art Director by trade and I use a lot of visuals. So, this blog post will be just that. Why? Because it's true what they say...a picture IS worth a thousand words.

But before I replace the verbal with the visual, I wanted to at least set the stage. 

Yesterday I had an acupuncture appointment. Sometimes I get ART (will touch on this in a later post), sometimes regular needles, sometimes Moxa and sometimes Cupping. I really can't describe it as well as these photos do, but you can learn more about it here and if you scroll to the bottom of that page, it will lead you to the history of Cupping. (Ok, I'll make it easy for you, just click here.)

This is how I spent my Monday morning. And this is way better than any cup of anything to heal what ails you.

D is for The Difference Between Anxious and Eager.

anx·ious

adjective : full of mental distress or uneasiness because of fear of danger or misfortune; greatly worried; solicitous: Synonyms  : concerned, disturbed, apprehensive, fearful, uneasy.

ea·ger

adjective : keen or ardent in desire or feeling; impatiently longing:

Synonyms : enthusiastic, desirous. fervent, zealous, fervid, intent, intense, earnest.

 

That's the definition of each word according to dictionary.com. However, we (or at least I) use these words interchangeably. And I shouldn't. Why? Because emotionally they mean 2 very different things. 

I have always considered myself to be a person full of energy...ok, and caffeine. That's the Type A-er in me. Anxious. Urgent. However, diving deeper into Acupuncture and convos with my Life Coach have really stopped me in my track on that word. (Actually, being anxious made me anxious because every acupuncture appt I go to they ask me to rate my level of anxiousness. JEEZ!) So, I decided to look it up. I mean, I thought I knew the definition but when I looked it up I was surprised how stressful and negative the word really was. Enter eager. It came up as a word to use for myself in my last life coaching session. So, I looked that up. Same meaning (sort of) as anxious, just a positive spin on it. And a healthier emotion to have.

How did this even come about? How can 2 words have a similar meaning yet mean something so different?

See, I'm unemployed right now. Or, as peeps in my biz say, "freelance." At first I was a bit worried. Ok, a lot worried. Like the definition of anxious states, fearful. I have a Venice life style to live, a 13 year-old dog to care for and bills to pay. I was applying to all sorts of jobs related to what I do, stalking like crazy on LinkedIn and calling in all sorts of favors. It was a very reactive few weeks. And it really, really, REALLY stressed me out. I felt I was moving backwards from all the work I have done spiritually (fear will do that). Pretty much I lost my shit. I was advised to use the energy I have to go from anxious to eager (let go of the fear and trust the universe has something better planned for me). So, I started hiking mid-day, starting cooking more, writing more, painting more and networking in a personal way (lunches, happy hours, at the gym, etc.) instead of online. And as I let go of the anxiousness and let go of the worry (because it does not serve me, or anyone for that matter) things started to fall into place. No, I'm not employed...yet, but the opportunities are starting to present themselves and I am trusting that it will work out. And now I kinda find myself excited and eager about what's to come. Not anxious. And if I do feel anxious, I read the definitions. And thank the anxiousness for reminding me that I should be eager. Good things are going to come (or as my grandmother would say, "this too shall pass"). Eagerness allows me to sleep at night, to not have pain in my back, to smile more and to not take every opportunity that comes my way but to focus on the RIGHT ones. That doesn't sound very Type A does it? It sounds more like this: Type B people usually do not get stressed easily even under acute circumstances. They are the happy-go-lucky individuals who do not entertain stress and anxiety while doing their tasks. However, they still prove to be fairly productive. They remain carefree and cheerful most of the times and are fun to hang around with. 

 

Could it be that while I am working down the alphabet of words I am also working down the alphabet of types? I don't know, but I'm eager to find out.